god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
