I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
