Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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