It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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