Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
3 2 1 whiskey
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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