i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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