I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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