i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
