cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Randomize
