I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
How naked do you want me to be?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
