so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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