My girlfriend figured out who you are.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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