All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
