I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
