i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
