i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
We have started to decorate penises.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Randomize
