I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
