break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
