I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
