Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
