If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
