yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
