4 words: hood of his car
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Are my feet made of real feet?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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