So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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