I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
