when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
