well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
