Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Randomize
