I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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