You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
