oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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