she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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