Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Randomize
