I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
