Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
