dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
