your parents love me but you hate me
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
