I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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