People with herpes should wear stickers.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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