Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
