i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
