I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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