Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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