I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
