My liver just broke up with me...
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I will pee on everything he values.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
