i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
