Don't make out with my wife yet
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
she pinky promised me she was 18
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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