awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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