I'm lost and stupid without you.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
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