I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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